Saturday, 30 June 2012

A Reason.

There are only a few people in the whole world who can make some sort of impression on your life, and for this past year there have been a few people who have done that, and I'm scared that they wont ever be as involved in my life as I would like them to be, and then the change will stop. I've realised, through my many existential life crisis on the back seats of buses that I'm yearning for people to change my life in some sort of significant way. Maybe I can't realise it now, an maybe I never will, but I'm sure that ill never stop looking.
As for my own purpose in life, I want to make a difference, either to people on a significantly personal level or to people on a larger scale. I want to make things better, in the world, in my life, in my community, maybe in others.
I want people to realise that things do happen for a reason, sometimes big and sometimes small. Maybe it will be something someone says to you in passing or the way that they treat you over a long period of time that causes you to make small changes in your life for the better.

I'd just like to have someone care enough about me, to see what happens to me in the future as I do about other people.

I feel as though there haven't been people in a while that really need to be changed or need my help and that scares me. I feel terribly uncomfortable being in a bubble filled with people who  are all changing at the same rate as me and that are so self absorbed with their own amount of change that they have forgotten that sometimes people need a little push from their friends to have that. I feel as though we live in a bubble of things being controlled. Everything I do has to go through this man who sits behind a desk in a fancy office and doesn't really care about the people he's meant to be looking after. I feel like everything is planned put, but not by me. Like I have no control over my own life and that's freaking me out. As much as i like routine and knowing what's going to happen, I like knowing that I have decided what's going to happen and have made the choices based on an informed decision. I don't like not knowing, and more importantly, not knowing why.

Now that I've had a weird moment all over the internet, here's a great song to cheer you up and to think to.