I woke up today never wanting to eat again, slightly sunburnt, and hardly rested even though I had slept for a good ten hours straight. I lay in ,y bed for a while, thinking about the next few months of my Gap Year, and how I would hope them to turn out.
I've lived in a different country for almost 4 months now, and suddenly realising its June kind of made me panic a little.
I know it sounds strange, but I feel like I haven't really done anything productive with my time. I feel as though I have spent this year being very selfish, so far. I've had to write my name on thing so other people don't use them, I've had to sleep in different rooms of my flat, just to get some sleep, because sharing rooms isn't as easy as people make it out to be. I've had to find an escape, to different places in the building just to find some space on my own. I've had to shower at odd times of the morning, just hoping for a little bit of privacy, but all that comes with having to change in the hall way because I cant turn my bedroom light on, for fear of waking other people up.
It's been a wild ride, and I'm going to miss the home I've made for myself in my little corner of the room very much. I'm going to miss the lovely lavender and cinnamon smell that comes from above. I'm going to miss the slight breeze before the door slams at 2 in the morning from the air conditioning. The magazine pictures really make me feel more at home, and I know that I wake up with a few tid-bits of inspiration everymorning, and a constant reminder of a little message that Jackie sent me after I confided my big Shant Fears to her during kinnus last year.
It's hard to think that such an important part of shnat is nearly over, and sitting with the other Southerners on Thursday afternoon really made me realise just how little time we have, and just how much time has passed already.
We had quite the circular experience, talking about all the things were going to do whilst were in Karmiel and the different experiences we'll have during options and then kibbutz. I thought back to the time just before we started Machon and Etgar, and how we had decided to go to all the different shules as a group and how we would invite the Northerners but that we would be so close, and to a certain extent we had those times together, but none of us really anticipated the amazing connections we would make on our respective programs and now I'm having a hard time letting go of the friendships I've made in my dirty little flat that smells a little like rabbits, vodka and vomit. I love these people more than I could have ever thought, I love this house, I love having the city so close, I love the Dojo, as much as I resent it.
Thats it.